What Is Low Self-Esteem? (And How CBT Can Help)

We all have moments of self-doubt or are hard on ourselves from time to time (I’m definitely guilty of that!). But for some people, that critical inner voice feels like it’s there most of the time. You might find yourself second-guessing decisions, feeling not good enough, worrying what others think of you, or constantly comparing yourself to others.

If that sounds familiar, you may be struggling with low self-esteem.

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem isn’t simply about feeling shy or lacking confidence every now and then. It’s often rooted in deeper beliefs you have about yourself — the quiet story running in the background that says you’re somehow not as capable, not as worthy, or not as “good” as others, in ways you can’t quite put into words.

You might find yourself:

• Struggling to accept compliments

• Blaming yourself when things go wrong

• Focusing on mistakes or flaws

• Feeling uncomfortable asserting your needs

• Avoiding situations where you fear being judged or criticised

These patterns can easily become automatic over time.

Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From?

Low self-esteem doesn’t usually appear out of nowhere. It often develops in response to experiences that have influences how you see or feel about yourself.

For some people, these beliefs may have formed during childhood — for example:

Being criticized or compared to others:

• Being told you’re “not as good” as a sibling or classmate (even when you tried your best!)

• Hearing comments like “Why can’t you be more like them?”

• Even when you tried hard, it was your mistakes that got pointed out — not the effort you put in.

Feeling like love or approval was conditional:

• Feeling like you had to get good grades, behave perfectly, or meet certain expectations to be accepted.

• Only receiving praise or affection when you achieved something.

• Worrying that if you made mistakes, people wouldn’t want you around.

Experiences of bullying or exclusion:

• Being left out of friendship groups or feeling like you didn’t quite fit in.

• Being teased about your appearance, interests, or personality.

• Feeling isolated at school or work because others didn’t include or accept you.

For others, it may develop later on after difficult or painful experiences such as:

• Abusive relationships

• Sexual assault or harassment

• Unexpected, life-changing or long-term illnesses

• Being involved in or witnessing a situation that felt traumatic or frightening.

Over time, these experiences can feed into powerful beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t deserve love”, “Nobody likes me’’ or “Everything’s my fault.” which can feel incredibly difficult to challenge — even when life looks okay on the surface.

How CBT Can Help

One of the reasons low self-esteem can feel so stuck is because the beliefs you hold influence how you interpret everyday situations. This is where CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can make a real difference.

In CBT, we work together to gently:

• Notice the thoughts and beliefs that are keeping self-esteem low

• Spot patterns like self-criticism, people-pleasing or avoidance

• Test out new ways of thinking and responding

• Build a kinder, fairer relationship with yourself

For example, if your automatic thought after a small mistake is “I’ve let everyone down,” CBT helps you explore that thought: Is that really true? Is there another way to see this? Over time, this helps soften unhelpful beliefs and make space for new, healthier ones to take root.

It’s Not About Positive Thinking

CBT isn’t about forcing yourself to think positively or ignoring what’s difficult. Instead, it’s about learning to see yourself more fairly. Many people with low self-esteem are far harsher on themselves than they would ever be with someone else. CBT helps you bring your own voice into better balance.

For example, if your automatic thought after a small mistake is “I’ve let everyone down,” CBT helps you explore that thought: Is that really true? Is there another way to see this? Over time, this helps soften unhelpful beliefs and make space for new, healthier ones to take root.

At the same time, CBT also helps when the situation itself is difficult. Sometimes people are unkind, or things do go wrong — but healthy self-esteem means not letting those moments define your worth. Instead of turning it into “I’m not good enough,” you learn to hold on to a more balanced sense of yourself, even when things are hard.

Final Thoughts

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many people experience low self-esteem — often for understandable reasons. The good news is that these patterns can change.

With the right support, it’s possible to work through these beliefs and build a stronger, kinder relationship with yourself.

If this feels like something you’d like to work on, I’d be happy to support you. Get in touch today.