What Is CBT? (And How It Helps with Low Self-Esteem)
If you’ve ever looked into therapy, you’ve might have come across CBT. But what exactly is CBT? And how can it help when you’re struggling with low self-esteem?
CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – and at its core, it helps you understand how your thoughts (sometimes called cognitions), feelings, and behaviours are connected. When self-esteem is low, unhelpful thoughts can influence how you feel and behave, reinforcing negative beliefs over time and creating a cycle that can be difficult to break.
The Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviours Cycle
When you struggle with self-esteem, certain patterns often develop without us realising. For example:
Thought: “I’m not good enough.”
Feeling: Anxious, ashamed, low.
Behaviour: Avoiding situations where you might feel judged or criticised.
In the short term, avoidance can feel safer. But longer-term, it often reinforces the belief that you’re not capable or that you’re somehow failing — which keeps self-esteem low.
Where Do These Patterns Come From?
Often, these beliefs and patterns start as a way of coping with difficult experiences. You might have been criticized for small mistakes, left out by friends, or made to feel like you had to meet certain expectations to be accepted. Over time, your mind tries to protect you by developing certain rules or assumptions:
“If I just work harder, maybe I’ll finally be enough.”
“If I keep quiet, maybe no one will criticize me.”
“If I stay out of the way, I won’t upset anyone.”
Even though these patterns are often there to try and keep you safe, they can make it harder to feel confident or comfortable being yourself.
How CBT Works
CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – and at its core, it helps you understand how your thoughts (sometimes called cognitions), feelings, and behaviours are connected. When self-esteem is low, unhelpful thoughts can influence how you feel and behave, reinforcing negative beliefs over time and creating a cycle that can be difficult to break.
In therapy, we work together to:
Spot unhelpful thinking patterns — like being overly self-critical, expecting the worst, or seeing things in extremes (for example: “If I don’t get this perfect, I’ve failed.”)
Explore where these beliefs may have come from and why they feel so powerful
Learn new ways of responding to difficult situations or unkind thoughts
Build confidence and self-compassion over time
Develop more balanced, supportive beliefs about yourself
CBT also focuses on what you do, not just what you think. This means trying out small changes that help build confidence in situations that feel difficult — like accepting a compliment, expressing your needs, or saying no.
How CBT Helps with Low Self-Esteem
As you start to work on self-esteem, you might notice some small but meaningful shifts: being less hard on yourself, worrying less about getting things perfect, or finding it easier to say no or speak up. Over time, CBT can help you build a stronger more consistent sense of confidence — one that isn’t dependent on pleasing others or avoiding mistakes, but grounded in self-compassion and fairness towards yourself.
Final Thoughts
Struggling with self-esteem doesn’t mean you’re broken or beyond help. Often, these patterns have developed as a way of coping with difficult experiences. The good news is that they can change.
CBT offers a structured, supportive space where you can gently explore these patterns and build a more balanced, confident relationship with yourself — at a pace that feels safe.
If you’re ready to take that first step, I’d be happy to support you.